I was driving to church the other day in my usual habit of thinking over all the things that must be thought over. I was driving along when something caught my eye. Turning onto the road was a person on a bike. I couldn’t tell their gender because they had a checkered bandanna pulled up over their mouth and a big floppy denim bucket hat on. Their orange backpack clashed with the tomato red shirt. As they turned the corner, they looked back behind themselves. I knew that look. They were watching to see if someone was following them. I don’t know if they just robbed a bank or were escaping a psychopath or just simply paranoid. All I know is that in the five seconds it took for me to take in this oddity I had this crazy yearning inside of my heart.
“I want to be that person!” my soul was screaming at me. They might have been in trouble or causing trouble but I didn’t care. They were having an adventure and they were living. Not that going to church isn’t living, this really has nothing to do with faith or religion. It’s just that my drive up this road is so incredibly routine. Here are some things I want:
I want to hold a mug full of warm tea and drop it and watch it fall and hear the ceramic crash into a million pieces and possibly cut myself on the sharp edges.
I want to throw my gum out the car window when I am done using it and not worry about littering.
I want to refuse to show up where I’m supposed to.
I want to hop on my bike and pedal and not stop until I physically can’t go any further and not bring a cell phone just to be safe and get lost and have to figure it out.
I want to do all these completely unreasonable things. Yet there is that annoying rational voice that keeps my mug securely in my hands and my gum in my mouth and my empty body at its appointments and my feet planted firmly on this mundane ground. I know this all sounds rather out of character but I’m sure you’ve felt like this before. Sadly, I am quite too sensible to show up somewhere late or not study for a test or stop being responsible and stop being me.