Category: Church Life

About Me, Church Life, Friendship, Life Lessons

A Step Back

There is something incredibly powerful about being in community.  Its encouraging, enlightening, and empowering.  If you are slightly introverted like myself, it is also exhausting.  Which is why I have learned the value of taking a step back.

Taking a step back from a stressful situation can reintroduce the big picture into your stream of consciousness.

Taking a step back from your inner turmoil can help you reprioritize.

Taking a step back from the constantly streaming to-do list, post-it notes, deadlines, and responsibilities can help you be human.

Tonight, taking a step back meant sitting in the chapel garden and gazing at underlit leaves that seemed to shine against the pitch black night.  Instead of standing shoulder to shoulder in a hot, packed, chapel, I sat alone on a bench and closed my eyes and felt the cool of stillness.  In no way am I insinuating that I felt ostracized from worship or this beneficial gathering.

Sometimes, there is greater beauty in the observance than the participation.  To be still for a few minutes and hear at least a hundred of my classmates sing that “naught be all else to me save what thou art”  was moving to say the least.  There is nothing wrong with group worship and it is an amazing thing.  Yet sometimes, it makes it too easy for me to focus on me.  My worship, my experience, my catharsis.  Taking a step back allows me to realign.

I want to walk around seeing the value in everything: every person, experience, and situation instead of walking around only focusing on what will validate me.

Change, Church Life, God, Life Lessons

Church “Shopping”

I hate the term church shopping.  I absolutely hate it but that’s exactly what I’ve done for the past three Sundays.  First off, it assumes that I am going to church to get something for myself, like you would go to Meijers to buy food or Target to buy, well, everything.  I’m not.  I’m going to church to worship God and serve him.

Yet it’s so hard to know what church would be best (see, even the word best assumes some qualifications a church must meet to “suit” me and again, that is not what I want to be doing).  So my subconscious starts to create a list of specifications and desires.  You don’t want it to be all college students or all grandparents.  You don’t want it to be all hymns or all Chris Tomlin.  The sermon should be scripture-based not just a self-help guide read out loud.  The list goes on and on and it makes me feel like a horrible person for even having it.

Second problem:  there is some unspoken rule that you only have about 5 or 6 Sundays to “shop” churches and then you are being too particular or not receptive to the Holy Spirit or whatnot.  I would absolutely love for the first church I walk into to be my home church and have a family there and feel like that this is where I need to serve God but it really doesn’t work that way.  Considering there are 25+ churches in the area, this puts a lot of pressure on the preliminary church selections and really, there is only so much you can find out about a church from its website.  You can’t get to know the people and see how authentic the worship is or if they will glare at you for not going to Sunday School (my experience this morning).

Perhaps the largest problem is that I don’t know where I should be.  I’ve grown up in the same church all my life and I’m just now realizing what a blessing and a curse that was.  I love that I know almost everyone and have a history there and that the worship is authentic and the preaching is sound but that’s all I’ve ever known.  Do I limit myself and possibly God by choosing a church that is as North Oaksish as possible?  I don’t think that is smart but I feel like I keep measuring up churches to my home church in the back of my mind.  I’m in a new place of life and what was right for me last year might not be the same this year.  Or it might be.  I honestly have no idea.  So I’m back to the drawing board, or more accurately, the praying board.

This concludes my rant on churches and the “shopping experience”.  Thank you for reading.

P.S.  Signs are really, really helpful and the lack of them is really, really frustrating.

Change, Church Life

I need a checkered bandanna.

I was driving to church the other day in my usual habit of thinking over all the things that must be thought over.  I was driving along when something caught my eye.  Turning onto the road was a person on a bike.  I couldn’t tell their gender because they had a checkered bandanna pulled up over their mouth and a big floppy denim bucket hat on.  Their orange backpack clashed with the tomato red shirt.   As they turned the corner, they looked back behind themselves.  I knew that look.  They were watching to see if someone was following them.   I don’t know if they just robbed a bank or were escaping a psychopath or just simply paranoid.  All I know is that in the five seconds it took for me to take in this oddity I had this crazy yearning inside of my heart.

“I want to be that person!”  my soul was screaming at me.  They might have been in trouble or causing trouble but I didn’t care.  They were having an adventure and they were living.  Not that going to church isn’t living, this really has nothing to do with faith or religion.  It’s just that my drive up this road is so incredibly routine.  Here are some things I want:

I want to hold a mug full of warm tea and drop it and watch it fall and hear the ceramic crash into a million pieces and possibly cut myself on the sharp edges.

I want to throw my gum out the car window when I am done using it and not worry about littering.

I want to refuse to show up where I’m supposed to.

I want to hop on my bike and pedal and not stop until I physically can’t go any further and not bring a cell phone just to be safe and get lost and have to figure it out.

I want to do all these completely unreasonable things.  Yet there is that annoying rational voice that keeps my mug securely in my hands and my gum in my mouth and my empty body at its appointments and my feet planted firmly on this mundane ground.  I know this all sounds rather out of character but I’m sure you’ve felt like this before.  Sadly, I am quite too sensible to show up somewhere late or not study for a test or stop being responsible and stop being me.

Church Life

Peeling away the Saran-Wrap

Easter is less than a week away.  Yet I am confused.  Where are the Easter lights?  Where is the live crucifix scene?  (never mind on that one, I can already see how that might be a bad idea).   But imagesCAR47YCGstill, something is severely missing.  Christmas time hub bub starts the day after Halloween with plastic Santas, plastic trees, and plastic smiles.  I have yet to hear an entire radio station dedicated to Easter music.  Or even a CD, for that matter.  This strikes me as very odd.  Don’t get me wrong, Christmas is wonderful and the birth of our Savior is nothing to be taken lightly.  But to me, its His death that is really worth getting excited about.  We are celebrating the day where the stockpile of sins that were our fast-pass to eternal death were destroyed.  The overwhelming guilt and fatal consequences of our human imperfections were wiped cleaner than the whitest white board (excuse the poor analogy).  Not only that, the all-knowing, forever-existing, incredibly powerful God that formed our bodies and forms our future extended His hand in friendship.  He gave us life and also a relationship with God.  Obviously, all this couldn’t have happened if Jesus wasn’t born but this is the why behind His birth.  This is what it all comes down to.

And we celebrate by eating ham and doing egg hunts?  Perhaps Christmas receives so much attention because we feel like there is more in it for us.  It means time off of school, an excuse to overindulge, and time with family.  Not too mention the presents.  I find it sad that we get more excited about what limited-warranty plastic gift might be in a shoebox wrapped in paper than the idea that we have been given access to God and to eternal life.

Sure, there are Easter traditions.  Like the classic egg hunt.  Exactly what does this have to do with the gruesome death and glorious Resurrection of Jesus?  Oh, it’s a symbol, you say?  Eggs mean rebirth.  Why didn’t I think of that?  Probably because no one is thinking about how miraculous the Resurrection of Jesus was when they are shoving someone into the dirt so they can get to a plastic egg with last year’s candy in it.

This culture is incredibly good at taking things and making them “Christian”.  We can take our beloved traditions and Saran-Wrap them with the a plastic film of Christianity.  Here’s the funny thing about Saran-Wrap: it’s clear.  You can see right through it. The same goes for trying to make things that mean nothing mean something about God.  Its not only pointless, its completely unnecessary.  God shows Himself in so many ways, He really doesn’t need our futile fumblings.  He is in the fact that you are about to take another breath.  He is seen in the breath-taking beauty of both the world He created and the people that inhabit it.  His love is immense and overwhelming and Easter is an incredible time to reflect on how incredible God is…….while munching away on that 12 pound chocolate bunny, of course.

Extra side note:  Some try to devalue Easter since the actual date of the holiday is not historically accurate.  I would agree, I don’t believe we can know the exact date of the Crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  This does not make His death and Resurrection or the celebration of it any less legitimate.

Church Life, Life Lessons

A Very Honest Christmas Message

I was thinking about starting this blog off with some blithe remarks on how fast time is going, the beauty of Christmas lights, or how awesome the Thai food was that I just ate this evening.  But honestly, that has nothing to do with what I want to say and will just waste your time.  So enough with pleasant descriptions.

The truth is, I’ve lost Christmas in the act of celebrating Christmas.  The busyness of the season has distracted me so that I’ve spent less time with the person that the holiday is celebrating.  It’s ironic and completely wrong.  Unfortunately, this problem isn’t limited to Christmas.  I might have just as well have said: the busyness of my life has distracted me so that I’ve spent less time with the person that my life is supposed to serve.  It is so messed up, it feels wrong even typing it.  I’ve recently felt very torn with the different relationships in my life.  No matter what I do, I feel that I am disappointing someone.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  The selfish head in my voice says “That’s right!  If everyone could just adjust and be less demanding and more understanding, then things would be better!”

Shut up. 

Changing others is not the way and it won’t work.  At this moment, I feel like one of those bendy people I used to play with.  Everything and everyone is tugging me in opposite directions.  I can’t keep up this game of tug of war, I’m about to snap.  So I’m giving this inflexible self to God.  I know I can’t keep squeezing God into my life anymore. I have to choose if I’m going to go all the way in for God or not at all. So here it is: I’ve decided to go all the way in.  I feel like who I am in my actions and interactions with others isn’t even close to who I am on the inside. I need to make those two match up better and I think giving the whole Chloe to God will do the trick.   I’m giving my whole self to God and I’m going to let Him sort out the relationships.  He can do a much better job than my muddled blumbering has done.

Maybe you feel like me.  Maybe you think that I am insane and should go to bed.  Nevertheless, here is the best gift you will ever receive.  It’s freedom from death and sin.  It’s not based on works or merit badges. Because you see, God doesn’t grade us on a curve. He doesn’t grade us at all. We are all share a sinful nature and the punishment of death that should be ours was taken away by the death of Jesus for everyone. Did you catch that? For everyone. Not just the “top ten percent” of humanity, or those with the most gold stars. There is no grading scale for God. You either believe in Him, accept His gift of salvation and spend eternity with God or you deny Him and spend an eternity separated from Him. It isn’t based on the amount of good things you’ve done, the amount of money given to charities, the bad things you’ve avoided, or even the sins that you’ve committed (thank goodness).

It doesn’t get any better than that.  Merry Christmas everyone!

Church Life, Life Lessons

3D Vision Missions Trip

My youth group 3D Vision went on a missions trip to Washington, D.C. last week. We made some great memories and some great impact in the area. Having a good time and helping others was pretty much my only goals going into the trip but by the end, well, you’ll just have to keep reading to find out.

Saturday:
10 hours in a mini-van + 5 teenage girls + Mr. Mike and Ms. Susie + way too many twizzlers = lots of laughs. I think I got a good 15 minutes of sleep. It was a pretty noisy trip down, but I really can’t complain because I’m pretty sure I was making most of the noise. We found 40 states on the way down and made lots of good jokes (i.e. bacon and……..POTATOES!!) I think we all lost a bit of our sanity that day. I joined Team Domination during dinner, a very smart move on my part. Oh, and I woke up to Kayla petting me in the middle of the night.

Sunday:
We went to the Washington Christian Center for church in the morning. We got introduced by the pastor right before the “meet and greet” time. I don’t think I’ve gotten so many hugs from strangers before. Their incredible enthusiasm and love was unlike any thing I’ve seen. It was a good reminder that we need to welcome visitors at our own church with that kind of love. We also learned to “pray not panic” and to lean on God rather than our friends. This proved to be a valuable lesson for Monday….. We went on a walk to nowhere along the water. This was our first taste of the crazy heat that never let up throughout the week. We had a two hour lunch at McDonalds.

Monday:
In the morning, a group of us went to Hillcrest Baptist Church and helped them go door-to-door handing out Bibles and VBS flyers. I did something similar three years ago and was absolutely terrified. God has definitely grown me throughout the past years in being brave for him. Also, the other people seemed less then excited about it so someone needed to just go for it. My partner and I got rejected a few times but mostly just stood in front of empty homes. God willing, those Bibles we hung on the outside of people’s homes will find their way inside someone’s heart. Oh, and the people at the Baptist church gave us amazing food. We went back to Washington Christian Center where Shelby and I put on these incredible potato sacks that said “VBS is Fun!” and danced by the driveway in typical Little Ceasers guy style. We only had 3 or 4 kids and so another group of us went to the spray park, another neighborhood, the grocery store, the library, and the dollar store. After VBS, we went out again to hand out Bibles. We got a few more responses, a few creepy people peering at us through their blinds, and a lot of sweat dripping down our faces (if I lived there, I wouldn’t have opened the door either, you could smell us a mile down the street). Showers never felt so good that night. After our worship and debrief, we were hanging in the hallway (this would become a nightly ritual). While playing kung-fu, Ken accidentally hit Emily in the nose giving her a nosebleed and a great story. All of a sudden, Emily starts shouting about Alaina hurting her knee. I run into the room and see Alaina at the ground moaning. I rushed over to the door connecting that room to the room our leaders were in and got them to come in. After we all herded into the lobby, Kevin suggested a prayer circle. The immediate application of “pray don’t panic” was amazing and it was great to see our youth group come together like that. After things had calmed down somewhat and Alaina was on her way to the Emergency Room the girls had a crying fest in the bathroom. Thankfully, kept my mouth shut so I could be a less active member in the “Let’s get our emotions and hormones in a huge tangle club”. We finally went to bed around midnight.

Tuesday:
In the morning, after a less-than-fulfilling breakfast of a mini-bagel, Team C went to the housing authority. Some of us painted a fence in amazing jumpsuits while myself and others weeded a huge lot and then proceeded to spread mulch all over it. Emily and I became kidnapping buddies and worked out a safety plan. We also averted an attack by a Killer African Bee. One person stopped to say how they had never seen anyone helping in this neighborhood before. It was nice assurance that we were meeting a need. All the while, I was struggling with the fact that we weren’t teaching the gospel at VBS. I attempted to rewrite the script for my pre-teach that day but ended up chickening out. It turns out God had a different plan for me (see Thursday). VBS went fairly well, we had a lot more kids. However, I was trying very hard not to measure our success in numbers. After the team time, we went outside to play. I gave two girls numerous rocket rides on the swing and train rides on my back. It was so much fun to play off their imaginations and get to exercise mine, even if I had difficulty breathing during the piggy back rides. We had an incredible dinner of pasta (my favorite). The evenings were a lot of fun with the bathroom/rollercoaster game, card games, illegally exploring the church, and other shenanigans. This night also ended in a crying party in the bathroom. Although the crying wasn’t good, it provided an open door to get to talk to some of the younger girls. I was able to share some limited but hopefully valuable wisdom from my own experiences and walk with God. God was with me all the way, and devotions were a great time of connection. Worship was great too, even though I didn’t know most of the songs I was still able to worship my God. Debriefs were encouraging, many people had a lot to say. The youth group really connected and it was a deeper connection than what I had seen before. We had another good “girl talk” that night.

Wednesday: Team A and B switched from Daybreak to VBS today and Teams B and C went back to the neighborhood to hand out more Bibles. Adam and I got to pray with one lady and got a good response from some as well as some rejections. It’s in God’s hands. We got pizza for lunch (yum!) VBS had an even better turnout that included several older girls. Music went really well, it was so much fun to see the kids getting into it. The puppet skits went well too. We had a water balloon toss and bubbles outside. For dinner, the church had a meal that we went to. A few of us went to the communion service upstairs, the church is HUGE!!! Worship was amazing, and I began to get a taste of what it felt like to fall in love with God. However, I had a horrible migraine and had to run to the bathroom during prayer. Katy followed me and we had a really good conversation in the (you guessed it!) bathroom. We played concentration for a while that night, and none of us were very good at it. The power also went out for a while which was exciting. Emily and I were rubber ducky buddies (we always took showers together).

Thursday:
Thursday was ATL day. I was very excited to get going. I felt led to go to a children’s hospital, something that has been on my heart for a while now. However, we couldn’t go visit anyone (which I expected) but we did get to pray for a while and pray with someone at the chapel. I also felt that I wanted to share the gospel at least once. The fact that we hadn’t at VBS was bothering me, so I thought I would tell the King story with some girls there. Kevin was wanting to do the same thing and so we worked together and were able to have a script and then share the gospel afterwards. It was amazing the way it all worked together. What an amazing God we have! VBS went really well that day and I was able to connect with Carmin and see a little bit of how the VBS impacted at least one person. That night we all went a little crazy with trips to Narnia (the children’s ministry area), a two hour long debrief, and lots of craziness in the girls room before and after lights out. We had a guest speaker that night who was incredibly inspiring and helped shed a new light on our trip. It wasn’t us who were helping others, it was God getting to know us better and us to get to know Him better. He doesn’t need our help. Oh, and my God can outimagine me!! Which is incredible since I have so many ideas and thoughts and plans but now I know that God has better ones and more of them! YES!!

Friday:
After a slow start in the morning, we finally got going to go tour Washington D.C. It was super hot out but the train ride there was exciting for us small-town folk. First, we got lunch and talked to some Boy Scouts who were having their Jubilee in Washington D.C. They were everywhere!! Then, we went to the Washington Monument and laid down with our feet on it. Next stop, the Lincoln Memorial. Some of us decided to be really smart and attempt to run up all the steps. We did and then felt like we were going to die. I had to rescue Rachel from dehydration a few times. We also found the (now fixed) typo in Lincoln’s 2nd Ignaural Address. From there, we moseyed on to the Vietnam Memorial and then to the White House. It takes an extraordinary long to move 32 people with a power scooter for Alaina. I believe it was getting close to 100 degrees out and I have never seen a group of sweatier people. Lovely. Our last stop was the Smithsonian Museum, which had an incredible combination of history and air conditioning. I joined the “bopping” group and we started at the Science wing, then moved to entertainment which was disappointingly small, and then the American wars. It was all very interesting but we only had about 45 minutes. We employed the “walk as fast as you can, take pictures, and look at the pictures later” technique. It was worth it. We then headed back to the train station and caught a train back to our hotel. Once we got to the hotel, we went swimming. It felt amazing. There is nothing like a body of water filled with chemicals and twenty other sweaty people to refresh and revive you. I combed my hair out that night, giving shock and enjoyment to all who witnessed my afro. I “accidently” kicked Kayla off of the bed too. oops.

Saturday
Today was the long travel day. If we contained a last bit of sanity in the store holds of our brains, it was promptly discarded about two hours into the drive. We dressed up like ganstas and hippies and rocked out to Toby Mac while Mr. Mike’s bald head bobbed up and down and served as a shiny disco ball. Some sleep was had but not much especially after Olivia’s and my delicious and nutritious lunch of pretzels and ice cream. For dinner, we went to the golden corral, which was less than appetizing but we were so hungry pretty much anything would do. Ken, Emily, Olivia, and I played cards and Katy and I watched Hitch and Man on Fire with Kayla. I still don’t know how that movie ends.

Sunday:
We only had about an hour and a half to get to North Oaks on Sunday. I was glad to be going home but really sad that it is all over too. Right now, I’m sitting alone like I have been doing all day. Its just weird not to have so many people around you. Nunna and Pappa came to church which was nice and the service went really well. This is not where the story ends.

During this trip, I finally fell in love with God. It felt amazing. The only thing I can begin to compare it to is that feeling before a dance competition or after you win or the guy you like likes you too. But its so much bigger than that. It’s the feeling that comes before knowing your life is going to change forever. It’s the feeling that you just won eternal life from God and you didn’t have to do anything. It’s the feeling that there is a God who not only likes you in return, He loves you even when you don’t deserve His love. It was amazing.

Things I learned:
I need compassion. I don’t have it all together.
I need to concentrate on what God thinks of me, not what others think of me.
I want to serve God to get to know Him better.
I need to pray more.
If God loves everyone the same, who am I to think that I am better judge and can differentiate my own love?
It is so much better to love others than to love yourself.