I’ve been sitting in the Student Union for a while now. When I got here it was perfectly empty at first. It was perfect in quietness, perfect in solitude, perfect in loneliness to match my mood. Now, there are a few dozen people here from some robotics convention. It’s still perfectly lonely but now that desolate feeling has been personified in the faces of people I don’t recognize and never will.
I wrote once on how hard it was for me to connect with music. I’d like to retract that statement. As I’m sitting here, reviewing my notes on the Greek influence on Renaissance art, a familiar melody started playing though my headphones. Except it wasn’t playing through my headphones, or in my ears, or even across my brain waves, but it started playing directly on my heart. It isn’t even that great of a song yet all of a sudden I felt like smiling or crying or both (you might be correct in attributing this conflict of feeling in the fact that I’ve spent the last two days on a relatively deserted campus). Either way, I decided to write.
As soon as I felt the melody and notes on my heart, my brain turned into some sort of antiquated projector. Fuzzy black and white images started to come into focus. I’m sitting in my old bedroom before it was redone, staring at walls the color of a grape slushy and playing with little key chains and trinkets that unlocked my imagination to a world all my own. I’m sitting in the old Lumina mini-van with the worn upholstery and fabric falling from the roof, on my way to Florida listening to this CD and halfway between the conscious and dreamworld. Looking back, I think I spent most of my childhood in that transitory state where nothing was real enough to be boring and reality was augmented by an imagination that was always on in full force.
My heart is rising and falling to the beat of the violin and drum. Finally, I am moved.
Until next time,
P.S. Although this post may insinuate that I am in some way not enjoying this weekend, that is completely false. If you didn’t know this already, I don’t consider lonliness and quiet and solitude to be negative things and my experiences with them these last few days have been minimal yet fulfilling.