Hello. My name is Chloe Smiley and I am addicted to Facebook. This addiction has afflicted an entire generation. I know several friends who have reached a point of no return. You know the part of all of those medicine commercials that list off all the potential side effects? And if you listen closely you start to wonder…why in the world would I take medicine that might kill me just so my legs stop feeling restless? It really doesn’t add up. The same goes for facebook (see, I wasn’t completely off topic). We are so easily impressed by the flashing images before our eyes that we stop hearing the side effects. So I am going to spell them out (cue images of happy people walking through fields of flowers to distract you)
1. Tendency to walk through life seeing it through the eyes of “ooh! that could be a good status” This has been reported to cause fatal narrow mindness and inability to enjoy life for what it is instead of enjoying life for the status it could inspire.
2. Leads to fatal self-centeredness. Many people have found that facebook leads one to base self-affirmation in number of comments, likes, friends, wall posts, etc…. Once reality hits, these empty affirmations will hurt you more than a denied friend request ever could.
3. Abnormal behavior and seizures when denied access. Life seems empty and meaningless with Farmville.
4. No longer able to communicate with friends face to face. People with this side effect often try to link things to their friends in the real world, only to recieve weird looks. Also leads to attempts to comment on others conversations resulting in the unsavory titles of “evesdropper” and “creeper”
5. Unexplainable urge to poke people as a form of interaction. The results when one finds others do not think poking is endearing can be disastoursous.
6. Inability to go on the internet/do homework/fulfill responsibilities/pet your dog/eat……..without checking facebook first. These distorted priorities will catch up with you and the resulting chaos will provide the perfect sympathy evoking status. Lucky you.
Some claim that the benefits of facebook (being friends with people you don’t know, seeing events that you weren’t invited to) far outweigh these side effects. Don’t let the pretty pictures fool you.
This is only the beginning but I can’t finish this post now…I need to go post this on my facebook.