Once Upon A Time I came home from college for Christmas break. And by “A Time” I mean 4 weeks ago. The sudden halt of activity and interactions jarred my sense of stability but there was Christmas to be celebrated, God to be worshipped, presents to be exchanged, and food (and food and food) to be eaten. Just before the “Christmas Thud” overtook me, I was rescued by my to-do list.
A mere sticky note could not contain this masterpiece.
I listed people to visit with and projects to master, new skills to learn, habits to begin, books to read.
While I thoroughly enjoyed seeing my friends and repainting my bathroom and running every day, I was still resting. For me, true rest is not in social interaction or sleeping or laying on the couch reading. I enjoy all of those things but true rest is in God.
I began feeling frustrated that my intellectual and spiritual growth were slowing down just because I was slowing down. However, with some good conversation with friends and God I realized this didn’t have to be the case. I’ve learned different things here at home, but I am still learning and still in awe of all that I don’t know and get to discover.
Now, this computer is the only thing I haven’t packed yet. My to-do list is completed and instead of feeling relieved, it makes me a bit sad. Sad because I don’t have things to accomplish and sad also because having things to accomplish has become so important to my sense of stability. Still a work in progress with that one.
I feel empty and I don’t know if it is just the angst of transition or sadness about leaving such a lovely home or trepidation for what the future holds and confused because all of these feelings are rather foreign to me. I have so much to learn.